I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
