if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
