In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize