My room smells like vodka and shame
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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