I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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