I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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