I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
