Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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