Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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