I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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