The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
