This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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