Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize