GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Randomize
