there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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