My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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