can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
