we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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