Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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