ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
