My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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