two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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