Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
