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at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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