I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
