apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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