do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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