Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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