i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
