yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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