That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
