tequila makes me forget i have legs
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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