i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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