Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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