I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
