What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
