Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
