we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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