69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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