We're facebook friends in real life
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
