I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
