God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
