I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
