new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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