While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
