there's paper in my vomit.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
