You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
