did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It's never too late to be topless.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
