Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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