then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
