dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
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