how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
