Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
