I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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