my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
