i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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