If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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