Soap is not a condiment
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
