so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
