I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
