i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
