Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
