and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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