there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
