Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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