Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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