my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
