Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
