I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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