The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
