You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
