By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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