I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
