She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
