Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
