sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
