the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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